- The Observer,
- Sunday January 11 2004
For the proud nation that gave Dan Dare and Jet Morgan to the world, the demise of our spaceship Beagle 2 is a bitter pill to swallow.
President George W. Bush's soon-to-be-announced plan to land Americans on Mars, starting with a colony on the moon, rubs salt in the wound. We should not despair, though. Firstly, with a price tag of trillions, this election-year pledge should be seen as promising the moon, rather than delivering it.
Secondly, sources close to the man already in the moon tell us he will strenuously resist regime change and that his green-cheese-eating monkey allies are also unlikely to surrender.
Thirdly, given the importance to Republicans of the female vote, it will become all too apparent that singling out Mars as the ultimate destination is not a winner. Mars, god of war, is where men come from. Women come from Venus.
Had our own pint-sized probe, capable of detecting life, made it safely to the surface of Mars, Britain would have shown America another stark truth: in space, men and women are an expensive menace. Better cheap, small probes that occasionally go awry than complex manned missions prone to paralysis and setback. Hasten on with Beagle 3, Professor Pillinger.
