Man of Reason

No sex, no drugs, no wine, no women No fun, no sin, no you, no wonder it's dark Everyone around me is a total stranger Everyone avoids me like a cyclone ranger Turning Japanese, The Vapors

Given my past form you could have got very long odds about Bellows making it to KoreaJapan'02(TM) before the team he was covering if I hadn't snaffled up all the early value. 33-1 shots do come in - thank you, betulike.com - and I was there when the Cameroonian plane finally landed. Counting the players through customs and muscling up to Eric Djemba-Djemba (one to watch!) for an early interview.

'Cameroon, hnunh, call yourself a top sportswriter?' I can almost hear you sniggering. Snigger not. As my editor explained during the traditional pre-tournament curry, sending me to cover Cameroon was 'exactly the type of "radical" move our readers expected.'

'Your Chief Sports Writers, your Chief Football Writers, your Chief Football Correspondents, your Chief Football Breaking News Correspondents, your Associate Chiefs and your Chief Deputies - let them squabble over England. While you W.W. - if I can say this without pissing in your pocket - are an Indian among Chiefs and more than capable of pulling the wool over their eyes from your base in Fujiyoshida.'

How right he was. Here in my hotel overlooking Mount Fuji I am perfectly placed to provide an over-view on what has been going down in the last fortnight. And, rest assured, it hasn't just been sake.

Forgetting the football for a moment, I think this tournament will be remarkable for two events. First, the opening appearance of the Chinese at a World Cup.

Just as many of us predicted that an African country would win the World Cup in the last century I would like to be the first to go on the record with the assertion that a Chinese country* will win the World Cup in this century. The logic is overwhelming: More people speak English in China than the rest of the world put together, English is the international language of football, ergo...

As another William nearly put it - All the World Cup's a Stage, And all the men and women Chinese players. (See: It'll Happen, edited by W.W Bellows).

Second, this was the World Cup that was over before it began. Certainly, a few matches have passed the time of day but for the purist it was the build-up that delighted. Trevor Sinclair preparing for the tournament with his exclusive airline-food diet. McCarthy and Keane giving us an object lesson in semantics. And, best of all, perhaps, the quiet way Nicky Butt has gone about his business.

Keep watching. By the time you read this I will be in Hiroshima. Failing that, Nagasaki. Failing that, Fujiyoshida.

(*To include any country annexed by China in the next 98 years.)

W.W. Bellows is sponsored by the Fujiyoshida Tourist Authority, betulike.com and Burton's Menswear.