Andy Murray’s statue is long overdue – just make sure it looks right

A statue of Andy Murray at Wimbledon? Quite right. Also: what kept them?

Rafa Nadal’s farewell tears ­weren’t even dry before the Roland Garros people brushed the ­clay-dust off a plaque to his greatness on Philippe-Chatrier.

Murray, by contrast, earned a ­permanent monument at the All England Club the day he won Wimbledon in 2013. Since then he’s raised four children, been knighted and won it again. Still no statue.

One’s coming, though, ­apparently.

Not sure what’s finally stung the AELTC into action. Mortification, presumably. Even now, they’re not promising it before the 150th ­anniversary in 2027. 2027! By then it will technically be 14 years overdue. For a carving. The Channel Tunnel only took six years.

Still, I suppose there’s at least time to reflect and get this monument right. And maybe in this instance we can move the committee’s thoughts away from the traditional statue.All statues of sportspeople are ­terrible.

This is a widely acknowledged fact. All statues of sportsmen look like Hugh Bonneville, and all ­statues of sportswomen look like Hugh Bonneville also. That’s just the alchemy that takes place when the power and grace of a sporting great is hewn into bronze/stone/whatever by the hands of a contemporary artisan. You end up with Hugh Bonneville.

Does anyone seriously pass the Fred Perry statue at Wimbledon and find themselves instantly transported by the magic of art to the lost era of the1930s? I reckon they see a bloke patting a ball around in his pyjamas who looks like Hugh Bonneville.

And we already know what the reaction will be when a Murray statue is finally unveiled. Loads of people will moan that it looks nothing like him and tiresome newspaper columnists will open articles with the line, “Not since the disgraceful Mohamed Al Fayed parked that fibreglass Michael Jackson round the back at Fulham…” and unhelpful comparisons will be made with Madeira airport’s ill-fated first stab at a bust of Cristiano Ronaldo, a portrayal so divorced from representational accuracy it appeared to give him chest-hair. Nobody needs any of this.

Anyway, statues of prominent ­people are so over. They’re a liability now, so why go to all the trouble of sitting for it, making it, plinthing it? If Murray ever ­accidentally says something on social media that’s minorly open to ­interpretation, we will only have to throw it in a river anyway.

They should commission ­something more appropriate to Andy, something which properly reflects – and I say this with sincere respect as a huge Murray fan – the spirit of the greatest British player of the ­professional era.

So how about a fountain? One of those ones you see with ­children running around, where water ­periodically rises from ­multiple jets in the ground. But in this piece, in a tribute to Andy’s career-long commitment to dry understatement, the water never rises above the height of about 3.5 inches.

Andy, I feel sure, would appreciate the humour there.Or what about using The Hill? It’s already getting a make-over for 2027, apparently.

True, in a world where integrity meant anything it would still be Henman Hill – Tim’s patch, always.

But thanks to the twee fair-weatherism that sadly afflicts British tennis fans, we’ve seen it ­faddishly re-dedicated to Murray, Emma Raducanu, Heather Watson, even Greg blooming Rusedski, who wasn’t even British, except when he won. I blame Sue Barker. I don’t know why. I just do.

But if anyone were allowed to colonise Henman’s land, Murray at least has a rightful claim, achievement-wise.

In which case, how about an Andy Murray Slide, right down the middle? Collect a ­raffia mat at the top, zoom down on your bum and then run back up for another go. Endless fun. Also (AELTC note) enormously monetisable at, what, 50p a slide?

Or, if we must go figurative, how about a statue of a gigantic boiled sweet – the Murray Mint? Because, as this week’s gratingly tardy announcement made clear, it’s ­obviously the position of the All England Club that you can’t hurry a statue of Andy Murray.

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