This week saw the fifth and sixth members of Meghan Markle and Prince Harry’s staff to quit in the second half of 2025, and the 11th in total either to leave or step out of PR-related roles with the Sussexes, post-Megxit.
Of course, exhausting levels of cynicism and rage attend everything that Harry and Meghan do, even when one of them is merely suggesting that a bowl of potpourri around the house is sometimes nice. So, predictably, these numbers have been spun to suggest that working in communications for the Montecito branch of the royal family is now an “impossible job”.
However, a sense of responsibility towards the language in general, and the traditions of journalism in particular, requires this column to insist that the term “impossible job” can never be employed to describe working on comms with royalty – attached or semi-detached, and in sunny California or anywhere else – and must be used only to describe managing England.
Nevertheless, it’s certainly the case, as one wag remarked this week, that there are now enough ex-Sussex PRs for a football team. Indeed. And possibly quite a useful one.
Assessing the options, I’d suggest lining up in a simple 4-3-3. Back four: Charlie Gipson, Emily Robinson, Ashley Hansen and Deesha Tank. Then, in midfield, I’d go with Toya Holness and James Holt on either side of Kyle Boulia, who defined his spell with the Sussexes as a period of “shaping narratives that reached hundreds of millions worldwide”, so clearly has the kind of engine that you would relish in the spine of your side.
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And up front I’m looking at Christine Weil Schirmer and Josh Kettler, both of who can get into the wide areas when necessary, with one of this week’s departures Meredith Maines leading the line, not least after her role this summer in the so-called “Mayfair peace summit”, when she came up against King Charles’s head of communications, “Big” Tobyn Andreae, and apparently gave a good account of herself. Also, her departing statement (“I have the utmost gratitude and respect for the couple and the team, and the good they are doing in the world”) was class.
And in goal? Well, it’s Miranda Barbot who gets the nod from me, her length of service (she joined the couple in a PR role in 2022 and is still with them as chief of staff) making her the obvious safe pair of hands in this group.
Are we playing it out from the back? I’m certainly not averse to that on principle, and I’m sure we’d be having a look at it in training. But my instinct tells me that the strengths of this particular team lie in snuffing out danger, putting out fires – seeing trouble developing and hoofing it into Row Z or as low down on page 27 of the Daily Mail as it will go.
So I would suggest we go long where possible. Ditto long throws. I’m not the biggest fan, but when you’ve got targets like Gipson and Maines to aim at, you’d be mad not to be getting players forward for those set-pieces and putting it in the mixer.
Yes, it’s a very young side, and we’ve seen the dangers of that this season with Chelsea. But as we always say in this game: if you’re good enough, you’re old enough. Nevertheless, leadership matters, and that’s why I’m handing the captain’s armband to Holt, who has experience, not just with Harry and Meghan and their various jam-making programmes, but also as head of communications for Nick Clegg and the Liberal Democrats – and, let’s face it, experience doesn’t get much more experience-y than that.
Altogether, I think we’ve got a unit here that can hold their own against the more established sides – and maybe even one that are capable of shaping narratives that “reach hundreds of millions worldwide” and are “doing good in the world”, which I would be happy to see, although let’s take it one game at a time and get a few points on the board first.
The only problem I can see is that the bench looks a bit light at the moment. Actually, empty. But presumably that’s just a matter of time.
Photograph by Karwai Tang/WireImage/Getty