The grated metal walkway curves insistently upwards, 150ft above the pitch and still climbing. With its ups, downs and expectant pauses, doing the Adelaide Oval RoofClimb is a bit like being on a very slow rollercoaster. But so was much of the opening day’s play.
Ahead of me on the walkway is Juliet, a former Londoner who has lived in Adelaide for 27 years but never shaken off the habit of supporting England. She booked herself a place on the ground’s signature experience months ago, as soon as the Test match dates were confirmed. She hadn’t known then that it would function as a perfect metaphor for her team, already 2-0 down and facing the gnarliest of uphill struggles to get themselves back into the series.
Our group of climbers mustered 45 minutes before play, to be in place for the first delivery. There has been talk of vertigo and dizziness. This isn’t nerves – just a rumour that Steve Smith has been ruled out with illness. Most of us are feeling fine about the physical challenge ahead of us – after all, we’ve been walking up stairs all our lives. If anything, we’ve trained too much.
The changing room walls have photos of the stadium gigs that have been played here, and there at eye level is Phil Collins on his Not Dead Yet tour. To a desperate England fan, anything’s an omen. Jumpsuits are donned, harnesses are secured, the possibility of Sam Konstas opening is discussed. We make our way past the crowds in single file, each belt clanking with a heavy metal anchor. If we feel like Top Gun pilots and parachutists, then to the cricket crowds we look like convicts.
Through our earpieces the voice of our guide, Brayden, reveals that Pat Cummins has won the toss, although we would have deduced this information the moment we saw England take to the field. The temperature is set to be in the high 30s: no one is choosing to field in that.
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As the hot sun reflects off the white camber of the canopy, we march on to our position, high above the Sir Donald Bradman Pavilion. Ben Stokes would be proud. No weak men in this dressing room. To my left are three friends from County Durham who have waited the best part of a decade to watch England in Australia. They had hoped to travel out for the last Ashes tour, until Covid intervened.
After the two-day fiasco in Perth, they retreated to Rottnest Island and cheered themselves with quokka selfies. But Brisbane’s humidity layered an extra level of misery on English defeat. “It’s got that 5-0 feel already,” says Ollie, the 6ft 4in Hartlepool lad next to me. And just as he says it, Travis Head cuts Brydon Carse for four. Far below, we look out on the grass bank where the Barmy Army and their associates have ranged their eskies and hung their flags. The vast, historic scoreboard above them provides no shade. Might it, eventually, offer comfort?
Adelaide is famous for providing a festival atmosphere at its sporting events, but this match is already proving more festive than most. At the gate, volunteers are giving out green elf hats to celebrate this “Christmas Test” – a significant change to Cricket Australia’s scheduling that South Australia have been lobbying for for some time.
For the past decade, Adelaide has been the home of day-night Tests that generally fall in early December – and some of which have finished disappointingly early. “It just makes such a difference to have the Test happen in the school holidays,” says Juliet, who’s a South Australian Cricket Association member and regular attender. “Cricket’s a real family outing here, but when school was on the kids were only able to come to days four or five and a lot of times the games were already over by then.”
Peering over the back of the roof we can see a band playing on the “Village Green”, the members-only drinking and dining area where many ticket-holders choose to spend the entirety of the day without seeing a single ball bowled. Recently extended, it now holds more than 10,000 people, but this morning its marquees remain empty. Perhaps everyone is aware of how crucial this session is to the series. Or maybe even hardened locals prefer a bit of air-conditioning on so hot a day.
As we reach the end of the Chappell Stand, Brayden cries out. Has someone fallen off the walkway? No, Jofra Archer has had Jake Weatherald caught behind, and in the next over, Travis Head goes too. The vast Riverbank Stand we’re passing overhead becomes very quiet. We sit on its roof-edge platform long enough to see Josh Tongue finding some swing, and Harry Brook dropping Usman Khawaja. There’s something curiously intimate about the view from here, a perfect pitch map, laid out Subbuteo style. You feel you could pick up individual players and reposition them, and a couple of times Ollie is sorely tempted to try it.
For Juliet, this has been the ideal 60th birthday present (although, she admits, she still has a shark cage voucher left to redeem). For England, too, the morning has been a positive one. And as wickets continue to fall throughout the day, the hope remains that this Test might bring travelling fans some true Christmas cheer. Sadly the view on subsequent days would be less compelling.