How to beach in… Daios Cove, Crete

A beach holiday requires a radical kind of restructuring of the gaze. You flip from portrait to landscape to take in a whole horizon, and everything stretches. Time, patience and, in an all-inclusive hotel like Daios Cove, appetite, too. After emerging through the door (“Go down to reception to begin the chicken procedure!” “Pardon?” “The chick-in procedure”), we investigate their four restaurants where the food is far better than it needs to be, including Mediterranean seafood by the pool, one by the sea (“Go to the bitch house for Asian-inspired cuisine.” “Pardon?” “The bitch house”), a classic Greek taverna, and importantly, the breakfast buffet, which rolls out gloriously every morning like a second beach.

The beach is nestled into a private bay in northeast Crete, accessible by a very exciting funicular down the cliff. There are watersports, a scuba diving centre, there’s sailing and motor yacht rental. There are 300 white-linened rooms, including 38 villas, some, smugly, with little private pools. Despite being effortlessly stylish, this is a family hotel and over half-term those peering out from the adults-only dining area and adults-only splash pool look upon the rest of us with some bemusement. There is a cordoned-off area of beach for adults, too, except unfortunately it’s right by a terracotta cliffside best suited for dangerous clambering, so all the children (including mine, a pair under 10) flock there from the beach in the shallows. Apologies, adults.

On our first day, a cloud of Saharan dust settled above Crete on southeastern winds, turning the sky orange and blocking out the sun. Still we beached. On our second day, the dust was replaced by gales. We sat on the loungers wrapped in towels, enjoying the oxymoron of a hot wind that burned our legs and exfoliated our faces. When the sea became too choppy, we took the funicular up to the pool, slightly defeated.

But once there I realised an infinity pool is a neutered beach. You have the horizon, but without sharp stones, and you have the salt water, but heated and blue and with a neat little ladder. The wind was far gentler up here and the lack of howling allowed me to contemplate what a family really wants from a beach holiday. The answer, of course, is always: everything.

The children want opulent freedom, to run in and out of the water like dogs, to build whole communities out of sand and eat 14 ice-creams one after another. The adults want to read an OK book and swim out to the boat. Everybody wants to be looked after, to never have to think about bedtimes or cash or lunch. And the only way to have a hope of coming close is to go all-inclusive. We were looked after here in ways adults rarely are – iced coffees were delivered at regular intervals, desserts after every meal (including, thank you, breakfast), the kids club looked genuinely fab (though my children were vehement refusers) and there were cocktails at sunset and a culture of whatever you want whenever you want it. In the same way that the gaze expands when you first take in the beach, checking into this beach hotel happily allowed, for us, a grand expansion of expectation.

Don’t miss: The grilled taligani cheese with granola nuts and lemon in the taverna.

Stay at: Daios Cove (daioscovecrete.com).