Sandcastles to skinny dipping: a user’s guide to beaches

A sarong, shades and jelly shoes will take you from sand to sundowners. Me+Em does a pomegranate striped sarong; tie into a skirt, halter or mini dress. Invest in Jacques Marie Mage sunglasses and a pair of Iro mesh jelly pumps. Le beach, c’est chic.

The key is the kit. Prepare everything the night before and store in a sturdy cool bag. Take a spray-on sunscreen so you can discreetly spritz little kids as they dart past you. Invest in a natty foldaway bucket for sandcastles, and pre-freeze smoothie pouches to slyly satiate midmorning ice-cream requests. Snacks essential, of course (go for unmeltables, like raisins and breadsticks) along with a cold (or frozen) bottle of water. Ensure they have waterproof shoes, but just in case, bring waterproof plasters, too. Pack 1 x game of Uno; 1 x thing of wet wipes; 1 x umbrella for immediate shade. And, brilliantly, some baby powder in a sock. Yes, when you rub it over sandy skin at the end of the day, the sand comes off with it. For feet, fill a plastic bag with water, insert the little foot, then stick it into a sock. Incredible?

This ancient British dance must be carefully choreographed. Tie a towel around you and shimmy out of your clothes, or open two car doors – there are towels with magnets to attach to them to create a little changing room. Alternatively, assess how much nudity you’re comfortable sharing. If bum is acceptable, get changed facing the sea.

Strip off swiftly – dithering increases anxiety. Etiquette needs adhering to: no gawking or photos. Slather the SPF everywhere. Watch your fellow sun-seekers strolling along the sand, not naked, but nude. Here, all are basking mammals – and elephants aren’t self-conscious at the watering hole.

It’s all about the ratio of sand to water and the tools. You need: buckets (for mixing sand and water, laying the foundation, stacking layers); lightweight shovel, trowel, flags, spatula, drinking straw, melon baller, water spray bottle. Now build!

Illustrations by Hattie Clark