I’m a great climber, but see me fly: my week as a paradise tree snake

Monday

You’d probably call me a poisonous snake, but I’m not really. I’m venomous ma non troppo. I’ve got enough venom for a lizard or a rodent, but not enough to trouble a human, even if one should dare to join us in the forest canopy. Hot wet Asian jungles are full of life and therefore full of death. Which reminds me: I’m hungry.

Tuesday

I’m a great climber. Not fast but very sure. But there’s an issue all tree-dwellers must face: how do you get to the next tree? Especially when the tree you want to get to isn’t very close to the tree you’re in. You could cross along the ground and expose yourself to every predator in the jungle. Or you could do what we do.

Wednesday

Today was fly-day. I climbed to a lofty branch of my current tree, fixed my eyes on the target tree across the clearing and reared up. I rose until my head was high above the twig – I’m a good three feet long – and my body was making a J-shape. At this point I made as good a leap as a snake is capable of. Which isn’t much, but I was off, travelling through the air and wriggling hard. I made a few adjustments as I travelled – I can’t do much – but I hit the selected place, a little untidily, I accept. And this new tree was mine.

Thursday

I’m curled in a discreet place in the same tree quietly digesting a frog. Not a huge meal but it’ll keep me going for a day or two. And looking back on that flight with satisfaction. It was a particularly good one, though I says it as shouldn’t. A good 100 yards. It’s all about body shape: as I took to the air I flattened. I changed my cross-section from an O to a C: now the air could pass over my body smoothly and create a pressure difference between the upper and the lower surface. And that provides lift. Real lift. That’s why I glide like a paper aeroplane, rather than drop like a dead cat.

Friday

It’s about operating with a low Reynolds number, since you ask. And a laminar rather than a turbulent flow of air. The aerial wriggling presents my aerofoil surface at the most favourable angle throughout the flight. I’m not just messing about and hoping for the best. I've put a lot of thought into this.

Saturday

You’ll probably think I’m vain, but I’ve always considered myself the prettiest snake in the forest. I’ve just found out I’m wrong. Another snake has just arrived in my tree. And made it paradise.

Paradise tree snake CV

Lifespan 10 years

Eating habits Lizards, rodents, frogs, small birds, the odd bat

Hobbies Flight

Sexual preferences She’s even more gorgeous than me

As told to Simon Barnes

Photograph by Justin Ong/Getty Images