The Case For… Small Talk

Presumably people who fear small talk worry about getting stuck there. But small talk can lead to big talk. It’s about establishing a connection, then building it fibre by fibre. You’re testing weight all the time. There’s zero sense in hanging 20kg off a single cotton thread, or no thread at all.

Do you dread the “What do you do” question? I personally find people’s jobs compelling, because mine can involve a lack of human contact for three days at a stretch. Moreover, a few turns can quickly take you towards whether they have an office nemesis, a recent email-chain scandal, CEO missteps, fear being made obsolete by robots.

Conversely, I’ve entered into conversations where total strangers ask bananas questions about past traumas, relationship breakups. They think they’re being interesting, but it comes across as a defensiveness about being boring. We are all boring to some degree, idiosyncratic in others; that is a humane and tender thing. Small talk is a way to feel each other out, checking to see where it tickles and where it hurts.

Covid taught us to value the face to face. No talk is ever small. Anyway, now we’ve got to know each other: where were you conceived, and which part of you smells the best?

Photograph by Shaw + Shaw