The case for… Hawaiian pizza

As author John Green noted, the story of putting a South American fruit on an Italian dish that is mostly popular in Australia makes this the most cosmopolitan meal ever created. Hawaiian pizza was invented in Canada by a restaurateur of Greek heritage, who mostly cooked Chinese food. That taste you hate? Progress.

Let’s drill down. People like to eat pineapple. They like pineapple upside-down cake, cheese and pineapple sticks, piña colada and, er, just pineapple. On a plate.

So it must be a specific combination that people object to. Not the base, because bread goes with everything. It can’t be the tomato, as they’re both fruits. It’s not the cheese – see earlier example. Is it the ham? Potentially. But every other world cuisine cooks meat and fruit together. Sure, Britain, every other country must be wrong. That’s unfair – Hawaiian pizza is also hated in the USA, a country that only makes fantastic decisions.

The hatred of this pizza may be rooted in childhood. Have you seen the pizzas adults buy kids? Rubber on cardboard. The pineapple was probably shocking for its freshness. Let’s grow up.

If you like sweet and salty treats, it makes no sense to reserve your ire for the Hawaiian. As long as it’s properly made. We’re not talking syrupy chunks. We’re talking razor thin, caramelised, even pickled pineapple. Give it something to cut through. Salty pork. Fresh jalapeños. This is not the place for delicate flavours, it’s a bite bursting with sunny, global esprit.

Photograph by Shaw + Shaw