It’s the most kit-tastic World Cup ever! Forty-eight teams means 96 fresh strips will soon be vying for our eyes (and, in some of the more extreme cases, our ears) out there in the Americas. But which of this season’s fashion-forward polyester stylings have earned this column’s coveted big tick? And which have got us shirty in all the wrong senses?
We’ll get to the all-important verdicts later. But first, the prevailing trends. Nothing, surely, says World Cup like bold pastels, yet the mood this season is very much pre-washed – even possibly pre-worn in the case of Brazil’s bleachy home top with Nike, a charity-shop version of the vital lemon numbers of yore. Similarly, the red of England’s second shirt, and even the timeless orange of the Netherlands, have gone a bit salmon-y on us. Disappointing.
But, of course, these are garments designed less with the pitch in mind than the terrace and beyond. If it’s still valiantly your belief that the test of a football shirt is whether you can imagine someone looking more or less dignified in it while striding forward to take a decisive penalty, then a large swathe of this year’s crop is going to fall short for you, particularly the change strips.
Oh boy, these change strips. In 2026, “away” really does mean “away”, as in “on holiday”, and also, in several cases, “with the fairies”. We’re looking at you, Brazil, with that Rorschach inkblot design. (I’m seeing the logo of Nineties acid-jazz purveyors Jamiroquai, but no doubt you’ll bring your own buried traumas.) And we’re looking at you, Canada, with that black number spattered with white paint. According to Fifa’s online store, “Canada’s away jersey subtly warns opponents of the grittiness beneath.” OK, but it’s also the first international football shirt to look like a plasterer’s radio.
But, overall, we notice how football fashion continues to adapt to the age of complex body adornment. When so many of today’s players have tattoos, literally, coming out of their ears, we could hardly expect the shirt designers just to sit there. Hence, presumably, the rise this year of animal motifs – South Korea’s tigers, say, and Iran’s Asiatic cheetahs. And hence Haiti’s top, which breaks ground by being straightforwardly figurative – a depiction of soldiers carrying the nation’s flag across a palm-dotted landscape, disconcertingly resembling a U2 tour T-shirt, circa 1984.
In simpler times, a shirt could embody a team’s culture by virtue of being its shirt – tops must now be vehicles for cultural allusion. Turkey, for example, are using their shirt to highlight traditional Turkish paper marbling. (Enter your own joke here about how this idea looked good on paper.) Ghana’s home shirt is intended to bring Kente woven cloth vibes. And in Austria’s away shirt, according to Puma, “Vienna’s cafe culture gets reimagined for match day with a classic marble pattern, serving up Austrian class with quiet confidence” – a lovely thought, except it yields a football shirt which looks like a budget kitchen counter-top. But who’s nailed it? And who’s failed it?
Our top three
1.
Belgium (home)
Traditional. Fiery red. Covetable. It wasn’t broken. They didn’t fix it.
1.
Sweden (home)
Bright colouring, big badge. It’s a straightforward brief, isn’t it? Or it used to be.
1.
Paraguay (home)
Rag-rolled red striping on a white background with blue trim? You love to see it.
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Our bottom three
1.
Belgium (away)
No, no, and thrice no to this terrible roll of psychedelic bubble wrap. That’s not a football kit, it’s children’s pyjamas.
1.
USA (home)
Somehow this candy-striped monstrosity isn’t just the football shirt of a nation that doesn’t care about football: it’s the football shirt of a nation that has never seen a football shirt.
1.
France (home)
The colour’s fine. No strained cultural allusions, either. But there’s one thing you simply can’t have on a football pitch: a rugby shirt. And what are France planning to play in this summer? A rugby shirt. The mind reels. They’re probably going to win, as well. In rugby shirts. I’m not sure how the game comes back from this.