Describe your perfect hour…
Lying on the bed with my dogs – Raf, a Cypriot poodle, and Reenie, a cavapoo – getting my face licked. I travel a lot. Coming home to that peaceful moment is humbling. There’s nothing like unconditional love, is there?
If you could live in any era, which would it be?
Definitely the 1980s – life was much freer. All you had to worry about was horsemeat turning up in pies. Life is so complicated and war-torn now. To be creative then, you had to actually create something to be noticed. It didn’t mean swiping on your phone.
What’s your favourite time of day?
I spend so much time in the darkness that it’s made me a morning person. My body clock wakes me at 5.50am. I’m loud and irritating. The dogs hate me. They’d stay in bed all day if they could, along with my husband, Stavy.
Which period of your life do you daydream about most?
The future, rather than the past. I overcomplicate what’s already happened, but can’t control what’s coming.
If you could spend an hour with anyone famous, who would it be?
Maybe our current prime minister, or Sadiq Khan, to tell them what people actually think of them.
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When’s the last time you stole something?
I steal memes all day long. I’ve walked out of supermarkets thinking I’ve paid. I get out of black cabs thinking I’ve prepaid on an app, then the driver chases me down the street shouting: “You haven’t paid!”, thinking I’ve done a runner.
When was the last time you cried? At my book launch. I’m an emotional person. I can cry at Coronation Street or adverts on TV. I read out a quote from the back page about people changing their lives, and it really upset me.
When was the last time you had sex?
Ha! Yesterday.
What do you never have enough time for?
My thoughts.
When was the last time you checked social media?
Literally a minute ago. Ask me any time and I’d say: “30 seconds to a minute ago.”
If you could go back in time, what advice would you give yourself?
Shut the fuck up and listen.
If you make it to 100, what would be the reason?
Because I’m sober and I love life. I want to live as long as I can, but with all my faculties. I don’t want to be shitting myself at 100. I did enough of that in my 20s and 30s.
When’s the last time someone mistook you for someone else?
In a department store the other day, this woman was staring at me. She said: “I know you, but I can’t quite place you.” I said: “I’m Tony, I’m a DJ. Maybe that’s it?” She said: “Santander! You work at Santander!” I thought: “What the fuck?”